


A bridge to our future

by magnusbaene



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Child Neglect, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Magnus Bane's Cat Eyes, Magnus Bane-centric, Magnus' past, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Supportive Alec Lightwood, as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 03:44:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10845798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusbaene/pseuds/magnusbaene
Summary: “What’s wrong?” The gentleness of Alec’s voice rushed over him, and for a moment he was struck by how right this felt, both of them together.“I’m sorry, Alexander,” Magnus answered, “the past snuck up on me.”





	A bridge to our future

**Author's Note:**

> _In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future._ — Alex Haley

The little boy was cold, freezing, as he roamed the darkening streets.

It wasn’t the weather, really. The air was thick, the temperature high. It lay over him like a blanket, but he’d been cold for months now, the shivers overpowering his little body.

By now, he was used to it. The biting feeling at his limbs, the ice crawling up his veins. There was no warmth in his thoughts when he remembered the bloody body of his mother. And the feeling of his father’s hands around his throat was an ever present reminder of his own actions, of the fire burning at his hands, of the eyes he learned to hate.

Long ago, he had been sitting next to the lake near his parents’ house. A black cat purring in his lap. He had found it weeks ago, its leg broken. Back then, he hadn’t known how to heal. How to twist the power inside of him into something tangible. Still, every day found him next to the lake, nursing the little cat back to health the only way he knew how. He had felt warm then, watching it slowly learn to walk again, nuzzling its face into his own. The trust between them had been instant, and he had only realised later, seeing his reflection in the water, that they shared the same eyes.

Long ago, he had also mustered up the courage to reveal them to his mother. Like a long forgotten dream, he remembered taking her hand, and leading her to his hiding place. He remembered the kiss she had pressed to his cheek, the way she had indulged him as he pulled on her hand. He remembered the proud look on her face when he told her about the cat, the tears in her eyes when he announced that he had named it after her.

“Why me?” She had asked.

“Because I love her.”

And while his memory proved to be unsteady over the years, the one thing that he would never forget was the horror on his mother’s face as his eyes transformed into gold. “Look! She’s just like me!” Excitement had run hot in his blood, happiness clear on his face.

There was no excitement in his body anymore. No happiness found in his life. Wandering the streets, rain falling heavily onto his skin, he wondered whether he would ever feel warm again.

 

(He would, of course, years later, when his magic became part of him, and he found himself again in the name ‘Magnus.’)

 

Hunger chewed on his bones, but the pain seemed distant. Unreal. And even as he hid under the ruins of an old hut, the shivers wouldn’t leave his body.

He wanted to sleep, so badly. But he was so scared. His mother haunted his dreams, his father’s cries rang in his ears, _Demon! You demon!_ He never meant to hurt him, but this _thing_ inside of him just wouldn’t stop burning despite how many tears he shed. He never wanted to hurt anyone. And still, it was his nature, pain and destruction following him wherever he went.

So sitting there, watching the rain fall to the ground, hungry, and cold, he wondered what his soul had done to deserve this life, and whether he was doomed to be alone forever. The thought was too much for him to bear as he buried his face between his legs, his tears as heavy as the water coming from the sky.

The boy cried for himself, for his mother, for his father, and for the little cat and what it had brought into his life. _Why me, why me, why me_. _What did I do?_ He cried and cried, until his sobs turned into hiccups, until he sadness in his soul overpowered the hunger in his body.

But then, he felt it well up within him. A strange warmth danced over his skin. Reluctantly, he raised his head, and at the sight of blue sparks running along his arm, he jumped back to press his back against the ruined wall behind him. Eyes shut, he scratched at his skin before it began spreading at his hands as well. His sobs only came harder, once he realised that there was no escape from the evil running through his veins.

It took a few moments, but the fire he expected didn’t come. Instead, it felt like a gentle embrace, like his mother’s arms before she had seen his true self. It was a soft feeling, caressing his skin. It reminded him of the time he had fallen from the tree behind their house, and his father had scooped him up, and pressed kisses to his eyes.

Comfort, he recognized, whatever flowed within his veins, it was trying to comfort him. It settled like a blanket over his shoulders, sparking at his hands. Playful swirls filled the space around him, bathing the darkness in colour and light.

And as he watched the energy dance around him, and his eyelids fluttered once the exhaustion sunk into his bones, a small smile spread across his face, and he felt warm.

 

* * *

 There was a slight chill to the air, the winter still desperately clinging to Brooklyn. And yet, Magnus’ skin was running hot, his magic keeping him from freezing. There was something about this night, some odd feeling of remembrance, and he felt it deep in his bones as he stood on his balcony, whiskey in his hand. The past few days had been exceptionally busy, the Downworld demanding his attention in the wake of the massacre at the Institute. It meant much to him that they sought him out not only because of his position, but due to the trust they put in him. It was the first time in days that he was able to sit back, and given recent events, he was not surprised by the turn his mind had taken.

However, he found comfort in the sudden breach of his wards, a familiar presence invading his senses. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to move. He was frozen on the balcony, and frozen in the thoughts of his past, even as a gentle hand settled at the small of his back.

Alec’s face was unsurprisingly filled with concern, a frown pulling at the edges of his lips. And he raised a hand to Magnus’ cheek to wipe away the tear that had fallen before he had arrived.

“What’s wrong?” The gentleness of Alec’s voice rushed over him, and for a moment he was struck by how right this felt, both of them together.

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” Magnus answered, “the past snuck up on me.”

Alec inclined his head, the concern no less pronounced. But he didn’t push, he never did. The trust between them ran deep, and Alec understood the vastness of his life, of his emotions. Instead, he pressed a soft kiss to Magnus’ cheek, and waited for him speak.

Maybe it was the feeling of comfort, reminding Magnus of that night so many years ago, or maybe it was the words they had spoken at the stairs of the Institute which were still ringing in his mind. But Magnus didn’t hesitate as the glass vanished from his hand, and he wrapped his arm around Alec’s waist.

“When I saw Madzie in the Institute,” he began, and Alec’s sharp intake of breath told him that he knew where this conversation was going, “I was reminded of a time where her fate was mine. But I had no one. No one to show me how to survive, no one to teach me of my magic, of my heritage. I was like her, in a way, just looking for my mother in all the faces I encountered. And I.. was so scared, Alexander. Of the world, of myself.” He paused, and Alec’s arm tightened around him, “I’m glad she isn’t. I’m glad.. she won’t be alone.”

There was nothing Alec could say, Magnus knew that. There was no comfort to the past. And yet, as Alec brought their foreheads together, he managed to surprise him once again.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Magnus.”

A warmth spread in his chest, intertwined with the one already present in his heart. Two parts of himself, in perfect harmony. Magnus shut his eyes, the feeling overwhelming, and when he opened them again, golden hues slowly replaced the brown. There was something beautiful in Alec’s reaction. Or the lack thereof. All Magnus saw was a soft smile spreading into his eyes.

“For a long time, I was ashamed of them,” Magnus’ voice no more than a whisper, “My mother.. killed herself when she realised what they meant. But I’m not ashamed anymore. You might know that feeling,” he teased, finger tapping against Alec’s nose who tilted his head up to press a small kiss on Magnus’ finger. The air turned softer, more gentle even in its chill.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Alec murmured, “They’re part of you.”

Bringing one hair to Alec’s neck, Magnus scratched lightly at the skin there, “Indeed, they are.”

Sinking into the feeling, Alec let his head fall forward, resting it in the crook of Magnus’ neck.

“Thank you,” he breathed.

Magnus couldn’t help but laugh. “You don’t have to thank me for this.”

“For being with me,” Alec clarified, “For not giving up on me. I would’ve been alone if it hadn’t been for you. Thank you.”

Heart stuttering in his chest, Magnus brought their bodies closer together. Magic sparked against Alec’s skin, and for a single moment, Magnus froze. But his heart returned to its beating when he felt Alec relax against him, letting the magic sink into his skin. It brought tears to his eyes, and he pressed a kiss to Alec’s hair.

“I’m glad I met you, Alexander.”

“I’m glad, too. I love you, Magnus.”

He felt warm.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think, and come yell at me on tumblr @ [magnusbaene](http://magnusbaene.tumblr.com), or on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/Maqnusbaene)


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